I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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