Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
