Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
