checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
