Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
