i wish my penis had a tongue
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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