why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i've created a new STD.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
