As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
