And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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