It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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