Already got asked if we're dating
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
