btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
