I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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