he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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