Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
