Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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