I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
