How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
