dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
