I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
