How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
