you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
