Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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