I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
