I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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