he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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