I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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