you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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