One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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