You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
