He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
