Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we made out on top of his cat.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
