I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
