Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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