remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
