Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
