Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This house was built for laser tag.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
