porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
