i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
