i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
