The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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