I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
