420 ftw
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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