remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
