so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
