I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
