windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
