med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
