Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
