every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
