I think I won the penis lottery.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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